Not so Fertile Murtle...

Well, I suppose the time has come where Andy and I let the cat out of the bag that we are infertile. Infertility is commonly defined as the failure of a couple to get pregnant after at least a year of TTC (trying to conceive). I have contemplated sharing this portion of our lives for some time now because of the sensitive nature of the subject for me. If you didn't know this about me, I am a highly sensitive type who feels things on a deeper level than some, so I tend to take things harder than most and I wear my heart on my sleeve ( It leads to a lot of embarrassing crying moments). Anyway, I came to the conclusion that just maybe if I share my journey of infertility that it may help me cope and grieve as I need to. My other hope is that by sharing this personal matter with the public, that I may help another woman or couple out there going through my same struggle and heartbreak.

Now, I will have a bit to say on the matter that I will likely break up into several smaller blog posts so that they are not so long to read. I will talk about our infertility story, and about the roller coaster of emotions that I have felt over the last two years that my husband and I have gone through during this whole process. I will do my best to write about the little bit of information I know concerning infertility and the treatments that go along with it, but I am just a beginner and am by no means an expert; as always I encourage research on your own from credible sources.

These past two years have been full of ups and downs, faith and prayers, discouragement and hopelessness, disappointment month after month, but I am doing my best to keep the faith and hope that this miracle will happen for us one day. Please, I am sure being a mother is more difficult than you ever thought it would be, but cherish those precious little spirits that have been entrusted into your care. There are many of us out there that would give anything we could just to have a child on the bad days, if only that meant they were ours. It is difficult to feel and know that you are missing someone from your life, and that you cannot fulfill the very calling of divine nature as a woman. I suppose I am not yet at the point in my infertility journey where I am not sad about my situation most of the time. I really am doing my best not to obsess, it just seems the more I want to be a mother, the more I notice new babies and pregnant women seriously EVERYWHERE! I am not mad at God for this trial because I know He has the big picture and I do not, but I need to remember to have faith in His timing. In the end, if a baby does become a blessing for us, I will value being a mother more than I ever would have if I didn't have to go through this struggle.

This is the beginning of my story. I realize everyone has their own journey and trials to deal with, and I do not intend for this to be a "poor me" pity party. As I mentioned before, if by sharing my story I can be of help to someone else out there, then I am more than happy about that. It is nice to feel free, and not be carrying this burden in silence anymore. Thank you for taking the time to read! I'll do my best to write as often as I can.

Loves,

Kylie